betsy works on getting a grip

I have this thing about my hair.

My hair, and finding shoes for my feet are the bane of my existence. Now trust me, considering I lost my first husband to cancer and saw more horrors than I ever imagined existed through my journey of cancer with him, I feel like a HUGE jerk that I make such a big deal about such things. For some reason, though, I have a hang up with my hair. (Even when I was going through Andy’s cancer and should have known not to sweat the small stuff, I STILL flipped over hair traumas. Here’s a tip for life, if your husband gets cancer, don’t go chop off all your hair. It makes life even crappier. It may work in Steel Magnolias, but let me tell you, not in real life.) Back to hair…If you went to HS with me and are reading this, you know I have a thing about hair. I remember overhearing someone after I graduated from HS talking about me and saying, “Betsy? Yea, I remember her….she was always worried about her hair.” (Now, that was a sucky moment…) Anyway, I’m admitting that I’m kind of ridiculous about it.

So I had to make the decision to leave my stylist a couple months ago. She was on the north side of town, and if you live in FW, you pretty much pick a side of town and try to stay there. (It’s so silly considering the size of our city, but FW, don’t I speak the truth?) So the 30 minute drive to my hair chick was adding an hour to an already 2+ hour process and right now, between my packed shooting schedule, my teeeeeny tiny amount of babysitting help I get and of course, my role as mom, I needed that hour I was driving to and from the salon.

I really of put off finding another stylist. I put it off until 5 days before leaving for my super important photography workshop this weekend. I put off finding a stylist until all I could do with my hair was put a hat on. It was procrastination at it’s finest…or worst.

I got alllll sorts of great advice from facebook friends on choosing a new stylist and of course, these stylists were booked 5 days in advance, or at least according to the very small window of availability I had this week.

So I tried a new stylist at a new salon a handful of minutes away from me. I was excited for the change but once I got there, I was SCARED out of my mind. Honestly, this poor girl had no idea what was going to be hitting her when I walked in. I really didn’t realize how freaked I was until she started talking about all the changes she saw for me. I’ll spare you the details, but she wanted to put highlights around my face and we decided to just put a few in on each side of my head to ease me into highlights. As she is doing it, I’m thinking I’ll look like Bride of Frankestine. I didn’t trust this poor girl and I was PANICKING on the inside. Like crazy heart rate and I was literally shaking in my chair. So I just tried hard to chill, but when she started drying my hair (which is a part where you have to have faith because my hair in mid dry mode is UGLY no matter how great the cut.) The highlights just looked like gross orange blonde. I was SO depressed. It was awful.

I hated it. Have you ever gotten your hair cut and you hate it so much that you just can’t say anything? You can’t even lie? You just sit there and nod and smile so you can get out of there? Yep, that was me. I felt like SUCH a jerk. So I got out of there and I told myself I would not cry though that wasn’t looking good. Thankfully, I got a call from Bobbi right before I was about to lose it. (Photography talk can always get me in a good mood and it totally helped. THANK YOU Bobbi!)

All right, so long story short, I walked in the house and I was so angry (because to top it all off, I was missing 30 Rock) that I just started watching 30 Rock that was playing in the kitchen. In the meantime, John, was standing there just staring at me and smiling the kindest smile ever. I looked at him, as if to say, I’m so sorry I did this to myself, and he said, “I love it. You look adorable.” I could tell by the look in his eyes he really meant it.

After an awesome release of laughing at 30 Rock (wasn’t it a great episode?) we talked it through and I was able to look at myself in the mirror and really see myself. I think the experience of being afraid at the salon had me so freaked out that I couldn’t like what the end result was. Also, I was embarrassed at how much of a lack of style I had before. I have had “mom hair” for way longer than I have been a mom and I got comfortable with it. So I do like it. I just can’t believe how resistant I was to change! I try to grow and expand everyday with my work, but I can’t take a new haircut? Not even that, but I let it traumatize me? Jeez, I need to GET A GRIP!

Ok, so I just wrote like 6 paragraphs about my hair. Ridiculous. Sorry, I had to get it out. There has to be some crazy deep rooted emotional issue that is linked with my hair. I think I’m actually going to keep forcing myself to try new hairstylist for the rest of the year until I can get over this fear. (Watch out Fort Wayne!) I need to learn to let this hair craziness go and embrace change!

So here I am, once I got home. It probably doesn’t even look that different in this photo. Jeez! I”m such a drama queen. (eye roll) Thanks for the photo John! (PS Can you see the photo behind me that’s blurry? It’s a yawning pug wearing a wig. I LOVE it.)


PS I bought that scarf and belt tonight doing some emotional shopping after my appointment. I’m in LOVE with scarves right now. Too bad the belt is too big.

Ok, ENOUGH of my foolishness about me! Here’s my little Miles man who upon discovering this new hat of mine, promptly put it on and looked adorable. (it’s HOT PINK.) I did NOTHING in Photoshop to Miles’ skin here and to me, it just glows with softness. Oh my, his cheeks are the softest marshmallows imaginable. I attack him with kisses EVERY chance I get.

I”m shushing now. Thanks for letting me get all of this out!!! Thanks to everybody in the facebook and twitter world who helped me through my panic attack at the salon. 🙂

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  • NatApril 24, 2009 - 4:52 am

    I hear you! You should have seen me on make-over day. I was so nervous the shampoo guy offered me a glass of wine from the back to help me relax. The colorist offered me hard liquor!

    Hair looks great though! Subtle highlights. LOVE the cut!

  • AbraApril 24, 2009 - 4:54 am

    I said it once, and I’ll say it again. You look dead sexy. You had NO reason whatsoEVER to freak out but I feel you totally and completely. I have a thing with hair too. Mine is about getting bored with it too fast and too often and always wanting to change it. Not always with the best results. Try being known as a chameleon.

    On another note, I know it seems like I superstalk you but I really don’t…really. It’s just that out of all the people I “follow” (that doesn’t sound stalkerish at all, thanks Twitter for coming up with such a user friendly expression) you are seemingly one of the most down to earth and I find myself identifying with you and your seld-diagnosed neurosis. 🙂

    And your little boy is just the cutest thing ever, since my little boy that is. LOL Those cheeks are to die for. You really need to post a pic of you at that age becuase you can tell he looks a lot like you.

  • BrandiApril 24, 2009 - 5:19 am

    I had to come out of lurkdom to tell you that you look AMAZING! The highlights are very subtle and lovely. Every time I’ve gotten highlights, I end up looking like a skunk.

  • Amber MartinApril 24, 2009 - 11:26 am

    Betsy, your hair looks super cute, and I love how it moves, layers rock! Congrats on change! Oh and on another note, Miles is adorable!

  • steveApril 24, 2009 - 12:04 pm

    When I have hair worries, I just put on my slanket, and stay up til 4 singing my Cheese Song. 😉

  • LindsayApril 24, 2009 - 12:25 pm

    Bets- I think your hair is great! Very sassy! And, I dont even notice the highlights =)

  • jess@studio3zApril 24, 2009 - 12:26 pm

    your hair looks GREAT! But I totally get it…I try not to, but I have the same illness, and am SO not kind to my hairdresser when it is not what I envisioned. LIKE, she is supposed to read my MIND, DUH. Actually, your style looks like mine when I straighten it, but mine is a bit more of a mullet (really short back layers). It was a major leap of faith when I did my most recent cut. You are gonna be gorgeous at your workshop darlin! 🙂

  • Pat QuinnApril 24, 2009 - 12:44 pm

    I absolutely love your hair!! I used to freak out too until I finally came to grips with the fact that it will grow back if I hate it – but I never do! BTW I think I am addicted to “Miles pics” he is so darn cute!!!

  • MikeApril 24, 2009 - 1:22 pm

    just shave your head, then you don’t have to worry about it! Problem solved.

  • ErickaApril 24, 2009 - 3:25 pm

    Must say….One H.O.T.T. Mama! Super cute!

  • MichelleApril 24, 2009 - 4:38 pm

    HAHA!!! Timely! 😉

    I’m driving 45 minutes to the OTHER side of our town today (same small-ish town thing that you’ve got going on… “why am I driving ALL THE WAY to the Northside?”).

    The only difference is I adhere to the “I don’t really care AT ALL about my hair… and I also have mom hair. 😉

    Great post, and your hair & scarf look FAB!

  • JennieApril 24, 2009 - 6:46 pm

    Miles looks so serious but with a sly smile!

  • ClaryApril 24, 2009 - 9:32 pm

    You are speaking my language…I’m a hairzilla and could with out a doubt feel all of your angst right along with you. With that said, your hair really is adorable and I’m sure the highlights look awesome when it’s hair curly:):)

  • CassieApril 25, 2009 - 3:38 pm

    Betsy, your hair is SO cute!! I totally understand the hair dilemma, though. I get so anxious about somebody screwing it up that I won’t go to the salon for like, oh…a year? I feel like they always screw up the color. But yours looks really great–I love the cut! And Miles, well, I think you know how cute he is 🙂

  • HallyApril 27, 2009 - 11:12 pm

    Just a fan of your work dropping in to say I love the hair both curly and straight. LOVE the highlights.

  • MollyApril 30, 2009 - 8:00 pm

    My first comment on your blog but I just couldn’t resist. First let me say you look great as always (you’re also not lieing about high school). I am just like you every time I go to a new hair salon and with as many times as I’ve moved that has been a lot. I love knowing there is some else out there with as much anxiety as myself over going somewhere new. I would sometimes wait months just to go to my uncle’s salon in Fort Wayne to avoid the anxiety.

  • MeganMay 7, 2009 - 8:51 pm

    Bets…your hair looks great. You are hilarious and very brave for airing your “hairy laundry” to your blogging family. Highlights are the best and simplest way to add a little pizazz into your world. I’m proud of you! And again…you look GREAT!

  • Maya LaurentMay 23, 2009 - 2:43 pm

    Betsy it looks so good! I cry almost everytime I come home from the salon. Pat never knows how to react because he loves it and I can’t get a grip over it, if I’ll be able to do the same thing the next day, etc. Why do we do that to ourselves?