Sigh. It’s a wet and cold Monday morning and I’m on day five of a super gross headcold. Bless John, he has been totally picking up my slack over the weekend so I’m sure he was THRILLED to flee me and my red, weeping nose and this disgusting house to the solitude of our used tissue-free studio. This is a very non-awesome time to have a cold. I’m hosting an intimate little dedication for Jocelyn at our home this weekend and I KID YOU NOT, not one thing is done for it. I really have no idea how I’ll pull this little gathering off with two kiddos and a straggling immune system, but I’m usually an 11th hour chick anyway, so I’m sure it will all come together at 3 AM the night before. My biggest concern right now is making sure Jocelyn doesn’t get this gross cold. Sick at 3 months old would NOT be cool.

I have been DYING to blog all sorts of things but just have not been able to get on the computer much. Since I’m nursing a lot of the time I’m on my ipad reading about all the lovely things everybody is doing out there on the net, but typing one handed is very annoying, so I’m in voyeur mode here and not getting the chance to express much these days. I do have so many things bouncing around in my head. I’m hoping I get a chance to write about my thoughts on having a girl (and how I’m totally afraid I’ll mess up that whole thing up), having two kids (and how I actually do feel like I’m messing that up) and on how in the world will I ever fit my photography business into all of this craziness.

Now that my blog is all personal, as I’m on a long maternity leave, one thing I want to do is spend some time writing about my late husband, Andy, and the story of my journey through his cancer. Over the past couple of years, as I have blogged here and there about losing Andy, I have heard all sorts of questions from people (and through the grapevine from other people) about my situation. People have lots of questions about my life with Andy, his death, my grief and now my life with John. The number one question I hear all the time is, “Isn’t Betsy’s husband jealous of how she talks about Andy?” (We get that one ALLLL the time. I’ll let John answer that one.) So I would love to take some time and answer some of the questions I hear floating around out there and talk about my life as a recovering widow. Recovering widow….I just made that up! It actually really fits. I’m no longer a widow, but will always be recovering from being a widow, you know?

I want this blog to be a place where I can go and be myself and I never feel like anybody knows me until they have heard about the life I had with Andy and how it shaped me into who I am today. So hopefully I’ll get a chance to do that soon. Right now, a little baby girl is calling my name.

I’m posting this photo because this is pretty much me over the past five days, asleep on the floor (or trying to be) with a wide awake kiddo nearby. 😉

Oh and by the way, if you have any questions about my life with Andy, his cancer or anything, just email me or comment and perhaps I can write about it when I do my big post about him/losing him/recovering/etc.