March was a rough month. It was a month where I wanted to just hide under my hat. I have put off doing this month’s self portrait because I didn’t want to be a downer. So I did smile for my picture to keep it upbeat a bit, but I will go ahead and share a bit of what’s been going on around here to make me want to retreat and hide.
First of all, Miles has had ear infections on and off since Halloween. March was a particularly hard month for all of us health wise, but Poor Miles, this whole year he hasn’t even been able to hear very well for weeks at a time. So if you know four year olds you know their ability to listen is already not strong, but then you add actually not being able to hear well to the equation and it’s tough on everybody. Our most likely next stop will be the Ear, Nose Throat specialist. Grrrrrreat.
That leads me to money. It’s that time of year when money is just flying out the window for us. I needed new contacts (Holy cats, I had forgotten those were $500!), had to go to the dentist and get full X-rays (we don’t have dental insurance, it’s an “own your own business thing”) got a speeding ticket (yes, I’m super dumb for that one), taxes are due soon, we paid out the nose for the van plates since we bought it out of state and had about a million pricey last minute weekend doctor’s office visits for the kids and myself. There’s more, but if I go on, it will make me hyperventilate. finances are always a cycle with us. Money is streaming out and it will stream back in, but when it comes time to do bills and John wants to have what he calls a “B’s meeting” (aka budgeting with Betsy) I just want to hide. I can’t imagine I’m alone in this one, right readers?
Yea, money stuff can be stressful, but the real stressor going on in my life lately has been some things going on with Miles’ preschooling. Even though Miles is a very bright child, imaginative and advanced in many academic ways, some people have seen some “red flags” in his socialization. (People have been bringing this up to me for a while, actually, which I’ve just shrugged off as he just needs more time to mature.) The red flags have brought a snow ball effect of people pointing out deficits in my son and with every finger point it has deflated me more and more, to the point where I just want to crawl under a blanket (or a hat) and just hide.
I’ve seen people in my life going through different things with their kids and I’ve always thought, “That must be be tough” but I had no idea how heartbreaking it is to have someone look at your child and not see what you see. I see a loving boy who can sit and make model of the solar system, read, add, pour over anatomy books with great focus and interest (which he did today for three hours), paint picture upon picture, create stories and make up imaginative worlds for himself to play in. Having people point out things that are “wrong” with him has really blurred my vision. I’m working on getting clarity back, but it hasn’t been easy. Thankfully, I have an inner circle of people in my life who see him for the amazing boy that he is and have helped me through this. (THANK GOD for them!) As you can see, I’m being very vague here in talking about these red flags, which isn’t normal for me. I’m usually an open book, but this is very hard for me to talk about. To wrap this up, I’m going through some stuff with Miles and as much as I want to hide, I need to step up to the plate and be strong.
So I photographed myself last month with my hat over my eyes for a couple of reasons. I suppose I enjoy pulling the wool over my own eyes from time to time and hiding from the realities of bills that are piling up or red flags that people have been telling me about for a while. It’s a comfortable place to be, but you can’t do that for long or you’ll hit a wall. So this is my month to find clarity and be brave to face up to things that have been scaring me into hiding this past month. Wish me luck!
Oh girl! I’m so sorry you are going through this! Thank God you have a strong support system and a hubby to be there along the way. I hope you are also trusting God for a good result on everything – that He will provide for you and your family – all of your needs (health, financial, healing, strength, courage, support, etc). I am going thru Dave Ramsey Financial Peace & just now have my very first budget – ever. I also have issues with wanting to bury my head in the sand but I’ve done that way too long! Hang in there – your Miles is terrific. He is beautifully and wonderfully made 🙂
Long time reader, coming out of the “blog closet” to tell you to hang in there. This is definitely a hard time of year, right after photography slow season and then BAM! taxes, sickness, etc…I get it. Have faith, you will be okay. Some days, I literally have to take it hour by hour. Just keep that beautiful smile on your face :o) Lots of hugs. BTW, my son always asks me to see “the bike kid” every single day. He loves watching Miles :o)
As a First Grade teacher I can kind of feel where you are going with the “red flags”. Try to look at them as “pink hankies” though. Meaning, Miles is still Miles no matter his struggles. The good news is there are SO many resources for kids these days and things can and will get better. Everyone has their struggles so know you aren’t alone. Here is to hoping April is a much brighter month for you!
I think it’s inspiring that you put this out there and are so honest. This time of year is definitely hard. Hang in there!
I hate budgetting. I just 2 min. ago, had to pay for my retreat with Barb Uil. That has really put a damper on our spending and I feel a bit guilty, a lot guilty about it. Taxes aren’t finished, and I’m not bringing in much of an income myself. Sigh. I don’t know MIles’ exact ‘problems’ but in preschool, our daughter could read, she would sit for hours cutting paper, drawing, reading. Playing with a friend was okay, usually tears, but playing with more than one person was always a tear filled event. She was shy, sensitive, but extremely bright, if told to stop jumping on the couch, she would fall and start crying, but if told that jumping could hurt the couch or herself and we explained it in detail, she’d stop. My husband’s nephew was diagnosed (incorrectly, we believe with ADHD at this time, and we saw similar traits). I told her kindergarten teacher that she could read and would need harder books, she shrugged it off, less than 2 weeks later I got a call from the learning assistant and I was so scared. She said our daughter was gifted, not ADHD. We were relieved but it’s also considered a ‘learning disability’ in our school district. She got pulled out of class, was expected to do more work than her peers, and teamed up with the ‘slower’ children to help them. She hated it. She learned early on how to be ‘dumb’. She’s still a different child at almost 15, she’s not social, but has a small circle of good friends. She draws all the time, and is an amazing artist. But she is lazy. She knows exactly how much work to do to get by. I wouldn’t worry too much about Miles, get some ‘professional’ opinions if it will help you, but get second ones too. Nephew, who is extremely bright was medicated for all of elementary school and part of high school, is now off meds, by his own choice. He lacks social skills, having always been told he has ADHD and won’t amount to anything, he spent all his time in front of the tv. Luckily enough, he got into an amazing computer program at school and will be going to university, even though his parents thought he’d never be able to. We fully believe he is gifted and that’s why he was acting up in class, because he was bored. But for them it was easier to medicate.
I’m sorry Bets- It’s tough when it’s your babies.. 🙁 🙁 I totally understand, you become a lioness when someone says anything about your perfect baby! Keep your head held high, keep your heart towards God, and accept with grace…as hard as all of that really is… it sucks! and it’s ok to get mad, those are feeling …but after your get mad, and upset, remember your knowledge … that God will always take care of you and Miles…and the rest of the fam, don’t worry about the future, that isn’t ours to care about, just plan accordingly for the present. Miles is perfect in your eyes and in God’s eyes and whatever comes about in these red flags….those are only speed bumps along the way.
Hugs.
Betsy- my son had/has similar struggles- loves being with adults, but has trouble with peers- brilliant, creative, articulate, loving. Sensitive to sound, and a stickler for “rules”. Labels like Asperger’s and the autism spectrum and ADHD were thrown around, and I had to make medication decisions that I never thought I’d have to make. As a single mom, I just wanted to hide both my son and myself. It’s been rough. Sometimes it still is rough. Kindergarden was really hard, and first grade was not much better. He’s in third grade now, and though troubles still crop up from time to time, things are so much better. Public school can be tough- but the staff in Southwest FTW have been amazing. At the end of the day though, your Miles is funny and smart and handsome and caring and creative. Love the heck out of him, smooth the road as best you can, but please don’t beat yourself up over the issues. Our boys will become amazing men- there’s just some awkward childhood bumps in between here and there. Prayers for you- I know what this is like.
It’s a fun photo, Betsy, and I like how you’ve depicted how you are feeling! Plus it showcases your gorgeous smile! (NOT that I would recommend this as an everyday look, though.) 🙂 Nobody is really ‘normal’ (that would be boring) and those red flags are defined by ‘normal’ and ‘average’. It sounds like you have one incredible son! And Miles is blessed to have a great mom who has confidence in his abilities and who nourishes those strengths! I’m praying for strength and courage (and tonnes of love!) as you journey forward. Peace be with you.
I hate to hear your struggles with Miles because it sounds so much like what we went through with our son, Haiden. At age three he was reading, doing basic math, playing the drums like a pro, singing with perfect pitch, and memorizing crazy sports information but he could care less about other children his age. If he tried to socialize it was like he got stuck. The best thing we did was get an autism (PDD-NOS) diagnoses but it was one of the hardest times in my life. I remember crying everyday. Today, he is 7, in a regular 1st grade classroom, an A and B student, and had 12 of his classmates show up for his birthday party. He has neighborhood friends who come over weekly and he loves to play with them. It has been a long, hard road and we had to teach him things that other kids just learn but he is the neatest kid in the world.
labels really irk me! when kids are smarter than the teacher, gotta try to fix them! So they are better than normal.let them be. What’s normal anyway! It’s OK to be different, John Elder Robison said so! Our little guy is perfect! Grandma said so.
Struggles suck, financial ones are stressful, but nothing beats struggles with your kid and enduring others making comments and observations about your kid. You do what you need to do to make your child successful regardless of labels. The fact is that you have a healthy, smart, articulate little boy and you will do whatever you need to do to get him through life. It’s a roller coaster and a marathon – so hole up until you can take a deep breath and then come out and roll up your sleeves. That’s what us mom’s do. Hugs.
I love your self portrait picture this month! And to know there is a meaning behind it makes it even better. I don’t know what ‘red flags’ you are facing-but know that your family will get through it together and that your son has great parents that are standing behind him.
Budgeting? Yeah, not for me, and I have to, now that I’m a poor college kid and on my own funds now, not so fun. But with the Miles thing? Just remember every kid and every family is different and has their own struggles. Mine most definitely is, which I why I don’t talk about it. Even though it’s fairly complicated, with adopting my 3 cousins w/ varying disabilities & all, in the basic picture, we have 7 kids in my family, and have had ‘socializing’ issues of our own through the years, despite having so many kids around. I hated school at first, and would much rather just play at home with my siblings & cousins. I would scream and throw fits going to school, so much so my parents switched me to a class with my brother & cousin (it was a Montessori school, with 3 grades a class) because I was so, so shy. If my mom/dad left while I was at an ‘activity’ (like, basketball or something), I would freak out. My dad would pay me a dollar if I went to my Sunday school classes without a fit (Yeah, kinda defeats the whole purpose of Sunday school if you ask me). My youngest brother sat in the school office for the first month of school one year, even though one of our other brothers was in the same class with him. I guess I don’t really know the point of saying all of this, just that keep your head on straight, and don’t listen to everything everybody says. Sure, somethings will be hard, but figure out what works for you. Kids are all different, and if you feel you’re doing a good job, then you are, and from what I see & read on here, you most definitely are.
Every child is different and maybe the preschool is not right for Miles. There are such pressure on our children to do so much before Kindergarden and “back in the day” when we started school we did not know what are children know and we turned out okay. Sometimes too much pressure on the children can be just that, too much. I am sure it will work itself out especially with a loving family.
Yes, you have the hat over your face but you still have a huge, beautiful smile shinning through! The love you have for your family will get you through all these stresses!
Thanks so much to everybody who commented. I really appreciate it. I hope to write you back sometime soon. I’m still processing everything.
Oh Betsy…just love you! I can’t talk about money right now either, it makes me start sweating thinking about it! And our boys…soooo hard to hear others see things in them when we see so much potential in them and their amazingness, which they are. You are an amazing mother and have an amazing boy. Don’t ever forget that! 🙂